The Preserve, Tuesday Midmorning

[weetuskenraider]

She'd spent the night out on the beach with Ben, but a vague unsettling feeling had drawn Tahiri back to the cabins and the comlink she'd left in her alcove there -- it wasn't that she was in the habit of leaving it behind, but she hadn't wanted the potential interruption. (Not of that. Because there was no that. Just a chance to get some uninterrupted sleep, okay?)

There was, in fact, a message waiting for her when she got there, and as soon as she played it the unsettling feeling coalesced into something very much not vague any more. Jaina -- her Jaina at home -- never sounded like this, and yet she was practically exuberant. And it wasn't that Tahiri could blame her for being happy that her twin brother was alive after all.

She'd half expected it, really, and it saved her the guilt of hoping it wasn't going to happen, but at the same time it brought certain unwanted potential futures a little closer than she'd like for comfort. Having just met someone who looked exactly like Jacen, even if George sounded and acted nothing like him, didn't do much to help either. The timing was what really sucked void, though. Tahiri couldn't have stopped being aware of the time that had passed since Anakin's death if she tried, even if she wanted to, and by her count (including the time that had passed on her mission home in spring) it had been a year since Myrkr.

So it . . . wasn't unfair, exactly; she knew that. It was just the fact that she'd gotten news of one of Jaina's brothers being alive again had come now. When it marked a year since Anakin died, and she had to face up -- again -- to the realization that he wasn't coming back.

After getting the message, Tahiri had wandered away from the campsite into the preserve and now found herself staring at a cluster of grotesque-looking angel statues. She didn't know the story of what they were or how they had gotten there, but she got the sense that they were frozen in time, somehow. Stuck in a moment they couldn't get out of.

She hadn't had that dream again last night, but she'd had it often enough in the past few weeks. Had, to some extent, been stuck in that moment for the past year. Looking at the statues now, she wished she couldn't say she knew the feeling.

[OOC: Yeah, I'm a mean, horrible person. I know. I AM SO SORRY. And I swear she will get over this or I'm going to headdesk myself unconscious. Establishy, but open, why not? ETA: Details of convo with Karla NFB, whee.]

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[glacial_queen]

"Tahiri?" Karla called quietly. "It's me, Karla. Can we talk?"

Karla had been looking for an opportunity to talk to Tahiri ever since she'd gotten home, walked into the cabin, and was hit with waves of grief/fear/loneliness coming from the walls. She knew the flavors of Tahiri's emotions by now, not that it would have been hard to guess who they had belonged to.

She wasn't sure where Tahiri had spent the night, but she was glad it hadn't been the cabin. It had given her time to scrub down the walls. She'd say stumbling onto Tahiri like this was fortuitous, but that would be a lie. She'd simply lowered her inner barriers a bit, and followed the trail of ragged emotions.

[weetuskenraider]

Tahiri had sensed Karla coming, and turned at the sound of her voice. She knew she was an emotional mess right now, but she'd be horrified if she realized how much of that she was leaking.

"Hi, Karla," she said, her tone bleak. "About what?"

She didn't actively want to push Karla away, but she wasn't sure she was fit company for anyone at the moment, either.

[glacial_queen]

Well, Karla wasn't about to tell her, or if she had to, she'd explain that it was simply her abilities working, not Tahiri's failing.

Karla continued to walk over until she was side-by-side with Tahiri, but looked out towards the ocean instead of looking at Tahiri. A small way to give her space. "Stuff. Things. How we should handle Riina. I could shower you in more extravagant compliments if you like." She knew that whatever was upsetting Tahiri wasn't really Riina based--too much grief for that--but grieving for Anakin was something Tahiri would have to work at on her own time. But knowing that she could master Riina might give her the strength to do so. "You can tell me what's bothering you. Even if I can't help, I can always listen. And you don't have to worry about hurting me by speaking."

[weetuskenraider]

"I don't know if extravagant compliments will do any good today."

Tahiri appreciated the space, and appreciated even more being able to talk to someone about this without stepping on their issues. Vaguely, right about then, she realized she couldn't sense Jaina's presence on the island and wondered if it had anything to do with this, too.

"It's been a year now," she said after a moment, oddly fixated on one of the statues' expressions. "Anakin's been gone a year. And Jacen's alive in my world after all, and I just found out today."

[glacial_queen]

"We could always try it and find out," Karla suggested with a ghost of a smile.

She also turned to look at the angel statues now that the mun pays attention and realizes they aren't at the beach though a different one than Tahiri was examining. Gah, these things were creepy-looking. And there was an aura of power around them. A dark and ugly sort of power.

"I am sorry about Anakin," Karla said, sending a wave of comfort and sympathy towards Tahiri. "A year isn't very long at all to get used to the loss. Jacen...that's Jaina's twin, right? Why did you fear for his death?" Karla knew that Jaina and Tahiri were from Ben's past, and didn't want to say anything that might come as a horrible shock to her.

[weetuskenraider]

"He went missing on the same mission that killed Anakin," Tahiri said quietly, a touch of strain going out of her voice at what Karla had projected. "I knew he was alive for Jaina, and for Ben." And now the strain was back in her voice, if only for a moment.

"It's a stupid, horrible thing to say but I feel like it's not fair," she blurted out. "I want to be glad he's back, but knowing what he grows up to do in some version of the galaxy . . . Anakin never would've . . . I don't know."

[glacial_queen]

Some people might have taken that as an excuse to lecture about how life wasn't fair and all they could do is accept it. Those people were idiots. Karla was pretty sure that Tahiri had seen enough to come to that realization on her own. "No, it isn't fair. I wish it were," Karla said with sympathy. "It's not stupid or horrible. Why shouldn't you want your best friend and beloved back? On top of that, why shouldn't you want someone who you know will grow up and hurt people you care about to die, and someone who will be a champion against evil to live? That's justice. It's what you and Ben and Jaina and the rest of the Jedi fight to give to everyone else. It's not wrong or selfish to wish for some of your own."

[weetuskenraider]

"I don't want him to die." That was Riina talking as well as Tahiri; she'd come to think of the Solos as family over the past year, and to the Yuuzhan Vong there was no bond more sacred than family. "I don't like to think about him turning out to do the things he did to -- to people I care about in my world, or in Jaina's world. But I don't want that."

She swallowed and turned to look at Karla now. "And I miss Anakin so much it still hurts, every day, but . . ." Tahiri went quiet for the space of several ragged breaths. "I want it to stop hurting, and that seems wrong even though I know it's not."

[glacial_queen]

Karla tentatively moved in for a hug. She wanted to comfort Tahiri, but she didn't want to spook her if she was hesitant about personal space and touching. Karla could understand that very well.

"I wish there was some aid I could offer you in that," Karla whispered. "But of all the things my people have done, conquering death and the agony it leaves behind aren't among them. All I can do is offer you support and a friendly ear. I won't ever get tired of listening to you talk about Anakin or grieve for him," she promised.

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

Triela was still working on her long-term project of finding places to stash emergency supplies around the island. The Preserve was big enough that she wasn't going to finish it in one day, but she could at least get started.

She hadn't really been looking for anyone, but the statues actually were a pretty good landmark if someone else needed to find a stash. She paused, not sure whether someone this deep into the Preserve would actually be interested in company or would rather have solitude.

[weetuskenraider]

"Triela?" Tahiri wasn't exactly going to begrudge anyone the use of the Preserve, and she did her best to keep her expression neutral as she glanced Triela's way.

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

"Hey, Tahiri," Triela waved. She had a large bag slung over one shoulder which she swung off and held loosely. "Apparently we're in the same cabin."

Which was just something to say since Triela didn't do small-talk very well.

[weetuskenraider]

"I sort of noticed." Normally the statement would be accompanied by a grin; today that role was being filled by its understudy, a slight cant of her head to the left. "What are you doing?"

Tahiri was usually better at small talk. Today she was pretty much fail at it.

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

"I've been going through the island look for places to stash supplies for next time something comes up. I've been caught away from my gear way too many times for comfort."

Triela was good at talking business, at least.

[weetuskenraider]

"For the Reserves, or for yourself?" Tahiri asked. Talking business was, if not comfortable, comfortably neutral. She could go with that.

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

"Myself. Though a couple of people have suggested I expand my efforts." She shrugged.

[weetuskenraider]

"It could be useful for the Reserves too," Tahiri said slowly. "Might not want to overlap hiding places, though."

[momslilassassin]

Ben walked up behind her and reached out his hand toward her shoulder, his Force-sense all comfort and sympathy.

[weetuskenraider]

"Sorry for running off," Tahiri mumbled, making no move to pull away, though she wasn't exactly jumping to explain either.

[momslilassassin]

"I'm not mad," he murmured, wrapping his arms around her.

[weetuskenraider]

"About what? Me running off?" she asked, leaning into him hesitantly.

[momslilassassin]

He tightened his arms around her. "At least you didn't leave the island."

He'd noticed Jaina was gone, too.

[weetuskenraider]

All her friends were either here, in the middle of the war, or stashed away in the Maw. Tahiri looked up at him. "Where would I go, anyway?"

[momslilassassin]

That broke Ben's heart a little. "I don't know," he said quietly. "I'm glad you're here, though."

[weetuskenraider]

"I'm glad you're here," she said, meaning it even if she didn't sound as spirited as usual. "I'm sorry I'm no fun today." And she doubted she would be for a while.