Room 529, Thursday Midday

[weetuskenraider]

As decidedly less than thrilled Tahiri had been about the fact that someone had been able to pick up on her little mental friend so easily, Karla had offered her help. Riina had been pretty quiet lately -- but Tahiri didn't feel like counting on that to last. Although she wasn't holding out too much hope yet that there was actually a chance the girl she'd only just met a few days ago could do something about this problem, it definitely couldn't hurt to find out.

So with Hurley out for a few hours she'd handwavily given Karla a call, then took a seat on her bed to try and meditate for a little while. Talking about that particular experience was always unnerving, and just thinking about it now already had her on edge. Ergo, meditating. Or trying, anyway.

[OOC: Post is for peoples what know who they are, up whoa early for great SP justice and roomie modded with permission. Note to self, in case you forget because you are a flake, details of convo with Karla NFB like whoa, please. Notice for triggeriness: the thread with Karla will concern not-exactly-vague memories of torture, so consider that a heads-up.]

Comments

[glacial_queen]

Karla sat down on the end of the bed, giving Tahiri as much room as possible. There was something about her that reminded Karla of a wounded Arcerian cat. Not entirely trusting and ready to shy. "I brought wine and chocolates, as promised," she said, smiling. She called in a bottle and a bag from J,GOB handwavily acquired earlier. "I saw Ben and Anakin spar, earlier today," she said gently, trying to get Tahiri to relax a bit.

The more tense she was, the harder this would be for both of them.

[weetuskenraider]

Ben and Anakin. Tahiri knew exactly who Karla was talking about by that, of course, but the phrasing was just enough to throw her for a moment, bring up a completely different mental image, and she flinched.

She really wished she'd stop doing that.

"Pretty astral, aren't they. Ever seen a lightsaber duel before?" she asked instead, forcing a smile; her efforts to try and relax were practically visible.

[glacial_queen]

Karla caught the flinch and mentally kicked herself. She wasn't sure what she had said wrong, but she certainly had said something. Still, there was nothing to do but keep going. "Never. I'd never even hear of a lightsaber before. But Ben and I were practicinging in the gym at the same time, and he invited me to watch them practice. They are quite impressive."

She held out the bag. "Pastry?" she asked. There was quite the selection. You could get a lot for a gold coin.

[weetuskenraider]

Oh, it wasn't that Karla had said anything wrong. It was just that Tahiri had one hell of a hangup when it came to a different Anakin. But she'd get to that in a bit.

"Did you clean out the inventory or something?" She managed a tiny smile and reached for something really, really chocolatey. "Ben's better than I am now, and I'm half a galaxy away from being anywhere near as good as Master Skywalker. I thought about going, but . . ."

Looking a bit guilty, Tahiri shrugged.

[glacial_queen]

"I only have gold coins to pay with, and the staff insisted I get as close to full value as they could get. We compromised, though, since I didn't want to clean them out completely--I was worried for my safety if I did. So they gave me half the value of the coin in treats, and now I have half remaining in credit for future visits. I should probably switch my money over into this world's currency, but I admit I enjoy the look on the shopkeeper's faces when I pull out a handful of gold coins."

Karla was babbling. But if her babbling got Tahiri a little more comfortable and relaxed, Karla could keep going for hours if necessary.

She really hoped it wasn't necessary.

"Wine?" she offered. Again, a glass or two would help with the relaxing, and wouldn't interfere with any of the other brews she'd brought.

[weetuskenraider]

It was . . . relaxing, yes. Tahiri wondered if that was what she used to sound like to people back when she wouldn't shut up short of a direct order to do so. She'd asked Anakin, once, "When did you start talking so much?"

"I don't know," he'd replied. "When did you start coughing up one word at a time as if three or four were going to break your mouth?" Which was close to what she was doing now, like she did every time the subject of her shaping was at hand. She'd never really explained the full story to anyone, and didn't enjoy putting it into so many words.

"Sometimes the reactions are fun, huh?" she offered instead, absently rubbing at her forehead. Considering the wine, Tahiri chewed on her lip. "Maybe a little. My tolerance is pretty bad."

[glacial_queen]

"This wine is very strong," Karla said. "Though if we mix it with a little water, it shouldn't be too bad. It's how I first started drinking wine, and how I drink it with dinner. It would be horrifically embarrassing to get drunk at a dinner party, wouldn't it?" Not to mention dreadfully dangerous, at least, back at Karla's familial estate.

But that wasn't important now. Tahiri, and whatever her problem was, that was important. Karla probed gently. Yes, the second psychic scent was still there. It felt...quiescent, almost. But definitely waiting.

Karla called in two glasses and enough water for both of them. Her Jewel would burn off the alcohol quickly even without the water, but Karla wanted to be in perfect form. Water it was.

[weetuskenraider]

Riina had been quiet lately, but not so quiet that Tahiri wasn't always aware of her there, somewhere in the back of her mind; it felt like those jungle patrols back on Borleias, knowing she was being watched but not being able to sense a distinct presence.

"Waking up in the stables was embarrassing enough," she ventured shyly, reaching for one of the glasses. Swallowing hard, she asked, "Is there . . . what exactly do you need to know?"

[glacial_queen]

"We could start with what happened," Karla asked gently. "Is it something you can talk about?"

Back home, there were so may witches who couldn't.

[weetuskenraider]

Tahiri chewed on her lower lip, looking distinctly troubled. "I can, but . . ." She shrugged helplessly. "The people who know the whole story are the ones I didn't have to explain it to."

[glacial_queen]

"Will it be painful for you to speak of it?" Karla asked, drawing up her knees.

[weetuskenraider]

After a moment's hesitation where she was sure Riina was almost laughing at her, Tahiri took a careful sip of the wine and nodded. "I remember everything. I don't know how well I can describe it all, though. But you'd need to know, and I don't --" She snarled with frustration. "I can try."

[glacial_queen]

"Hold on," Karla said, moving to place a hand on Tahiri's arm. "Like I said, I made some preparations." She called in a bottle full of a cloudy, blue liquid. "In my home Territory, sometimes people experience things that they cannot speak of. So, Black Widows invented this potion to assist with that. If you drink it will first calm you, helping you to be more able to speak of such things, without negative emotions clouding anything. It also allows the construction of a landscape in your mind, one you can actually interact with. And, it creates a link, so that I can also see and interact the your mindscape. This way, you won't actually be alone."

Karla held out the brew. "Will you drink?"

[weetuskenraider]

Tahiri opened her mouth to ask something about how much this sort of thing happened to people in Karla's world that they'd actually come up with a way to deal with it. Instead what she asked, in a cautious tone that could be a hint as to the root of the issue, was "This isn't something that's going to permanently change anything in my head, is it?"

[glacial_queen]

Karla shook her head. "No. It...sets the stage, if you will By creating a landscape you can interact with, it allows you to take a more active approach in confronting things. But when it wears off in a few hours, the only changes in your head will be the ones you created yourself."

Karla was glad Tahiri hadn't asked her original question. Though she'd answer truthfully. It took trust to gain trust.

[weetuskenraider]

Ben said he trusted Karla, so . . . Tahiri let out a breath slowly. "I don't know if I'm ready to change anything yet." The advice she could give was the best she could do at helping the war effort right now, after all, even if it cost her, and she was nothing if not stubbornly set on doing what she could to help the cause Anakin had died for. "But . . . I can show you."

She reached for the brew, uncertain green eyes looking up to meet Karla's. "Promise I won't be alone?"

[glacial_queen]

"I swear upon my Jewels that I will never leave your side," Karla said immediately. "And that I'll let no danger come to you, either here or in your dreamscape." She held out her hand for Tahiri to take.

She set up a Sapphire shield across the door to the room, though she didn't add any nasty surprises to it. Everyone might swear that Fandom was safe, but Karla would take no chances.

[weetuskenraider]

Tahiri sensed nothing untrustworthy about her, and she swallowed hard then nodded as she took Karla's hand. This was possibly insane, possibly reckless, possibly a half dozen things she could hear Corran or Kam yelling about now. That . . . didn't deter her. "Okay. Okay," she said shakily, and brought the bottle to her lips to drink the brew.

Force, she did not want to relive this, but if there was a chance in hell to figure out how to deal with Riina . . .

The first thing she remembered, after regaining consciousness, was waking up on a cool, hard floor of some living material, being observed through a transparent membrane by two . . .

Well, they were female. Their faces were mutilated and tattooed in a more delicate fashion than the Yuuzhan Vong warriors who'd captured her, but the intense interest of the way they were looking at her worried Tahiri even more and absurdly, it was right about then that she realized her lightsaber was gone. Her observers spoke to each other in the guttural snarls of their own language, though Tahiri could pick out the word Jeedai every now and then.

"You're crazy if you think you can keep me here," she yelled, pounding on the surprisingly unyielding membrane with both fists as she sent out a desperate mental cry for Anakin. "He wouldn't leave me behind again, just watch!"

[glacial_queen]

The mindscape opened up in front of her, and already Karla knew this was going to be brutal. The cold, calculating expression on the creatures' faces as they watched Tahiri with clinical detachment. She took the mental side step required to free part of her consciousness and stepped into the mindscape behind Tahiri. She'd promised the girl that she wouldn't leave her alone, hadn't she?

"I'm here," she said softly. "You're not alone. This is not happening to you again."

[weetuskenraider]

Tahiri, the part of her that knew this was just a memory, turned and spared Karla a grateful smile, then resumed her pounding on the membrane.

She'd yelled herself hoarse by the time they lowered the membrane and came toward her -- Mezhan Kwaad, her memories would tell Karla was the name of the one with the markings and the eight-fingered hand of a Master shaper, and the other with her freshly-grafted Adept's hand was her apprentice, Nen Yim. But she wasn't exhausted yet, and Tahiri put up the best fight she could; half trained as she was at fourteen, she gave them a decent struggle for several minutes. She wasn't prepared to resist the neurotoxin that flooded her system from the sharp jab in the side of her neck, a swift movement from Mezhan Kwaad's Master's hand.

Then her muscles wouldn't cooperate any more, and Tahiri couldn't even scream as they dragged her to one side of the vivarium.

Something latched onto the back of her neck, like a mouth with sharp teeth that sank right into her brainstem, and she couldn't blink back the tears that welled up in her eyes.

Anakin! she tried to call out with her mind again, but the first wave of pain spread like fire through her body and she crumpled to the floor. This time, whether she wanted to or not, she did scream, and didn't stop for several hours.

[glacial_queen]

Karla knew disturbing. Her first time using this brew on her own had involved a ten-year old who needed to confront the male who had broken her. But this...this was beyond even that. Fortunately the scene didn't last hours, time was compressed here. Still...may the Darkness be merciful!

Karla crawled over to Tahiri's crumped form, and drew the screaming girl up, holding her close. There was nothing else she could do, other than hold her while she screamed and writhed and wailed.

[weetuskenraider]

If not for her awareness of Karla's presence, she'd have stopped trying to remember this long before now. If not for that, she might not even be able to pick out as much detail as she did, and she was grateful for Karla being there. For obvious reasons, this wasn't a memory Tahiri cared to dwell on if she could help it.

The pain continued, though over time it grew more systematic, more analytical, testing each nerve array and its reactions in careful order. Sometimes when it got too strong she could feel Anakin, half the planet away, just for a moment.

Tahiri still fought them as much as she could, but she'd lost track of how long she'd been here and how many times the thing hooked up to her neck -- the provoker spineray -- had inflicted more pain in response to her resistance, and her efforts were nearly laughable now.

When she was immobilized by the provoker spineray's commands and Mezhan Kwaad raised three razor-sharp fingers and gashed her forehead from hairline to eyebrows, even through the blood running into her eyes Tahiri saw Anakin out in Yavin 4's jungle, driven to his knees by the pain. She reached out, tried to grasp that mental connection, but another dose of neurotoxin entered her bloodstream and both image and conection faded away as unconsciousness took her.

[glacial_queen]

Karla knew this was just a memory. Knew there was nothing that she could do. Knew that she just had to sit there and endure, same as Tahiri.

Karla wasn't good at just accepting things.

She was crying, now, she couldn't help it. Every time those creatures--Karla couldn't bear to think of them as anything but that, not even wanting to claim the slight kinship of consifering them female--came for Tahiri, Karla would try to interpose herself, swatting them away, putting shields between them and Tahiri. It didn't work of course. Nothing did. But Karla couldn't stop trying.

[weetuskenraider]

Tahiri reached out to her reassuringly -- it was strange, being the one offering reassurance under these circumstances.

"It's just pain," she half mumbled to Karla at one point when the shapers were away, then laughed raggedly. "That's what they're trying to teach me . . . it's just pain. And I'm starting to believe it."

[glacial_queen]

Karla's heart broke again. "Please don't," she whispered. "Please don't comfort me." Karla wasn't certain how to explain that her growing rage was the only thing keeping her together, and if Tahiri took that from her... She reached out with one hand to clasp Tahiri's and with the other, wiped off some of the blood that was smeared across Tahiri's forehead. "I will fix this," she vowed. "Darkness help me, I will fix this."

A wish, made with blood, is a prayer to the Darkness.