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Tahiri still made a habit of coming out to the beach on a fairly regular basis -- not out of necessity like it had been, but because it was familiar, and just felt right. The symbolism of it, the calming sound of the waves, the smell of the ocean -- it was a good place for her to meditate.
She picked her way down to her usual quiet cove and settled onto the rock (it hadn't really started to acquire a bit of a sheen from her perching on it, but it sometimes amused her to think so) with her eyes closed. She wasn't meditating yet, just enjoying the moment.
That was pretty profound in and of itself; the novelty of simply being able to do that hadn't worn off yet.
[OOC: Expecting one, but open if you happen to wander this way. Caveat for SP as I'mma be traaaaaaaaaveling later today, woe. Details of conversation with Ender NFB, please.]
She picked her way down to her usual quiet cove and settled onto the rock (it hadn't really started to acquire a bit of a sheen from her perching on it, but it sometimes amused her to think so) with her eyes closed. She wasn't meditating yet, just enjoying the moment.
That was pretty profound in and of itself; the novelty of simply being able to do that hadn't worn off yet.
[OOC: Expecting one, but open if you happen to wander this way. Caveat for SP as I'mma be traaaaaaaaaveling later today, woe. Details of conversation with Ender NFB, please.]
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Date: 2010-05-16 04:56 pm (UTC)Thoughts of solitude went out the window when he saw the blonde shape up ahead, though.
He pursed his lips, gave it a moment's thought, and decided it was time to finally follow through on a promise.
"Tahiri?"
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Date: 2010-05-16 05:00 pm (UTC)"Hi, Ender. I'd say I didn't expect to find you out here, but that would be . . . inaccurate."
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Date: 2010-05-16 05:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-16 05:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-16 05:08 pm (UTC)He glanced at the sand, a short but respectful distance away, and made his way there. Sat down. "So I promised Ben I'd talk to you about something, months ago."
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Date: 2010-05-16 05:12 pm (UTC)"Months ago? I wasn't going to bite, you know," she tried to tease. "Although I'll grant you I might not have been awfully approachable for quite a while there."
Yes, let's understate things grossly, Tahiri.
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Date: 2010-05-16 05:15 pm (UTC)He glanced over, towards the sea. "It's about Jacen," he said, bluntly, "Although I have to admit I'm a little curious about you, too."
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Date: 2010-05-16 05:24 pm (UTC)". . . ah." Tahiri dropped her own gaze to her hands. "That could be a really loaded topic." Even sticking to her own timeline, and not factoring possible futures into it. She could have been cagey about it -- she certainly had the mentality now -- but on this subject that seemed like about the worst idea ever.
"What exactly did you want to know?"
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Date: 2010-05-16 05:26 pm (UTC)He leaned backwards in the sand, on his elbows. "I'm not here to judge about anything," he added. "If that's what you're afraid of. I'm the last one who should be allowed to."
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Date: 2010-05-16 05:41 pm (UTC)She swung her legs over the side of the rock and began to trace random patterns in the sand with her toes -- concentric swirls, mostly, but the occasional squiggly line. This kept up for a minute or two while she tried to put her thoughts together and, finally, spoke up a little more slowly than usual.
"The Jacen I know isn't a bad man . . . not yet, anyhow. But he was always someone who was more inclined to thinking than to action -- he and Anakin got into the longest, most maddening arguments over the nature of the Force, and their role in it. He never stopped being that, even after the Yuuzhan Vong tried to -- after they broke him."
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Date: 2010-05-16 05:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-16 05:59 pm (UTC)Ironic, that, in light of future developments.
"He stopped using the Force at all for a while, just so he wouldn't make the mistake of using it wrong." The look on Tahiri's face suggested she still didn't understand the logic there. "After he came back from captivity, he second-guessed himself a lot less, but he was different."
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Date: 2010-05-16 06:07 pm (UTC)He tapped his fingers against his knee, and considered the expression on Tahiri's face just as carefully.
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Date: 2010-05-16 06:15 pm (UTC)"He and Jaina didn't attend classes at the same time as Anakin and I did, not when we were younger anyway, but I met him a few times back then. He used to love animals, I remember that much -- his room at the Academy was full of cages and terrariums. About the way Ben collects mechanical parts. Jaina was always more proactive out of the two of them. I guess you could say he was the sensitive one."
Well, it certainly hadn't been Jaina, that was for certain.
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Date: 2010-05-16 06:20 pm (UTC)He already knew how Jacen's life ended, but that didn't define anyone. Not the niggling corners of their soul, anyway.
"Did you like him?"
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Date: 2010-05-16 06:32 pm (UTC)Still hard to figure out exactly how he'd gone from that to what he would become. She had a few ideas, but the contrast was so stark it made her lose the heart to try.
"He was comfortable to be around. It isn't any wonder at all that he would be the one to get Ben to come out of his shell."
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Date: 2010-05-16 06:37 pm (UTC)"Charismatic," he filled in, quietly. "And serious. But you said he changed."
He had... a lot of questions. They could sketch the broad lines now.
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Date: 2010-05-16 06:45 pm (UTC)She took a breath. "You can't go through something like that and come out the same. Not ever, not as much as you wish or think you could. When you're too broken to put yourself back together, you're at the mercy of whoever decides to rearrange the pieces for you. I should know."
"Don't misunderstand," she went on quickly, "he's still a lot of those things. Still kind, but . . . secretive. There are things I can tell he's hiding. When you're prone to thinking too much, and you have nothing but pain to think about for a long, long time, I just doubt it's possible to see the galaxy the same way as before."
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Date: 2010-05-16 06:49 pm (UTC)"You start to see pain everywhere," he guessed, and kept his voice carefully neutral.
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Date: 2010-05-16 07:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-16 07:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-16 07:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-17 03:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-17 03:47 am (UTC)She couldn't say it hadn't changed her, either, and right about now she was glad she didn't have Jacen's inclination toward navel-gazing.
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Date: 2010-05-17 03:59 am (UTC)"But then, I've heard that story," he said, watching her thoughtfully. "Did you interact much during the Yuuzhan Vong invasion?"
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Date: 2010-05-17 04:06 am (UTC)It was clear that she wasn't thrilled about that.
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Date: 2010-05-17 04:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-17 04:15 am (UTC)Realizing how harsh that sounded, Tahiri offered a halfhearted shrug. "He isn't Ben's Jacen. Not yet, at least. But he isn't exactly the Jacen I grew up knowing any more, either. I suppose the war was going to make that inevitable one way or another."
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Date: 2010-05-17 04:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-17 08:55 am (UTC)She glanced out toward the waves and dug her toes into the sand, then looked back at Ender. "I wish I could point to an exact moment where everything took that one turn if it's happened yet, or guess at when exactly it will, but I'm afraid there are Jedi far more skilled than I who couldn't pinpoint it either."
She couldn't help wondering, too, how things might have changed if Anakin had survived . . . but the thought was brief, and she could actually file it away without lingering over it. "It would be easier for him if we could just draw a line somewhere, and say 'this is when it all went wrong.' I wish it was that easy."
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Date: 2010-05-17 09:02 am (UTC)He leaned back. "I think everyone is more than the sum of their deeds, good and bad," he said. "Jacen Solo did a lot of terrible things, but his fall wouldn't have been such a betrayal if he hadn't done a lot of good things, too. I'm not interested in easy answers about when he turned around and became some terrible monster lurking around in the dark. I just want to know how he ticked. It might be the one way I can help Ben come to terms with everything that's happened."
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Date: 2010-05-17 09:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-17 09:13 am (UTC)He'd had a few arguments with Ben about his bouts of absolutist morality, yes.
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Date: 2010-05-17 09:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-17 09:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-17 09:41 am (UTC)Why, yes, the notion had occurred to her more than once.
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Date: 2010-05-17 09:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-17 10:05 am (UTC)Then, more seriously, "Was there anything more specific you wanted to know?"
Of all things, it was the memory of a piece of flimsi she'd found in her quarters one night with a note in Jacen's handwriting promising she'd always be family that had just come to mind.
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Date: 2010-05-17 10:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-17 10:22 am (UTC)"We were friends," Tahiri answered with a slight nod. "Not terribly close, and only the last couple of years, but yes. In fact, I wouldn't go so far as to say he isn't one, now. Just one I watch a little more carefully."
She thought of the note again, and smiled wryly. "Family doesn't always have to be close, necessarily, but you could call it that too."
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Date: 2010-05-17 10:24 am (UTC)"I take it you've spent a lot of time hanging with the Skywalker-Solo tribe," he said.
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Date: 2010-05-18 04:50 am (UTC)"It's funny, how that tends to happen when your best friend was one of them," Tahiri replied -- nice how she could say it lightly, now. "After Anakin died they sort of took an extra interest in me. I don't think I could get away from them now if I tried."
Not, mind, that she objected.
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Date: 2010-05-18 04:56 am (UTC)